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Best Unread Blog on the Internet. When I can remember to write.













Monday, December 29, 2008

Why My Mother Would Not Make a Good Comedian

At one point in my life my dream was to be on/write for SNL. Amy Poehler is my hero. It has always been obvious to me that most of my material would come from the honest, jolly goodness that is my mother. My whole life i have tried to be the center of attention whether i realized it or not, so my sister and i (who have like the same exact sense of humor) would always recite lines from movies or I would do a stupid impression of Fire Marshall Bill from In Living Color and my mother would literally die of laughter. We would have her rolling on the floor and there have been a couple of occasions where she was almost wetting herself asking us to stop, so not only do my sister and I possess this hypnotic quality over my mother both of her step children do it too .. and as grown adults we all still do it. Its like a 4 person attack. Now, as for her doing an impression or reciting a line.. she almost always gets it wrong and cannot keep a straight face, which in turn makes all of us kids laugh until we are wetting ourselves. I like to picture my mother on stage trying to do an impression and only being able to squeak certain words out in her high pitched southern accent between breaths because she is laughing so hard before she even tells the joke. She has also spent countless hours saying "Do it (insert name of child here), say what that guy says... you do it so good".

Needless to say our 2008 Christmas was filled with nothing but this sort of thing... laughter, joke requests, and more laughter. I think as long as I can continue to hear that laugh that my mother gives me at my not so good impressions I will never need SNL. My sister and I would walk through fire to hear that laugh.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Reason #1 Why I Love Vacation

I have been on vacation since Christmas night and just arrived in Florida yesterday. If the following video is any indication of what the rest of the week will be like, I'm pretty sure I won't be disappointed...


video

Backstory:


We had been at my Aunt's house for approximately 5 hours. My brother had almost finished a bottle of Jack and decided it was time for bed (at 7:30 pm). My Uncle - a man in his late thirties - thought that 7:30 was too early to go to bed and that it might be a good idea to go in and try to wake him up...with a lighter and an aerosol can. That is my 12 year old cousin in the background screaming because he is afraid that his father is going to burn the house down. Ah, memories!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Top Ten Holiday Habits

10- Red and Green M&M's. Its not Christmas without a bowl of those delicious treats on a side table.

9- Be amazed by the traffic on your way to the mall. Even though it happens every year at some point you or someone you know always says.."Man, can you believe the traffic up to the mall? It's so crazy."

8- Question if we will have a white Christmas. Umm... we live in Northern New York, I'm putting my money on snow.

7-Ask a co-worker if they've ever seen ".... that movie where the kid wants the BB Gun and they keep telling him he'll shoot is eye out... what's that called.?" ITS CALLED A CHRISTMAS STORY YOU IDIOT, ITS BEEN ON TV SINCE 1987 EVERY YEAR IN 24 HOUR INSTALMENTS. And yes, they've seen it and they love it.

6- Secret Santa. This is a tradition that sounds fun, but you ultimately just end up buying a $10 gift card to Dunkin Donuts or Bath and Body Works... lets give this one up shall we.

5- Office Christmas party. Now this one is either a dreaded event or one you can't wait for! As a part time bar tender who has worked many a Christmas party, I've seen both. Let me tell you, being the one who is playing "Pour Some Sugar on Me" By Def Leopard and begging people to do shots of SOCO and Lime with you...sounds fun... but I don't even want to think of the looks they get on the office on Monday. However, from the Bartenders POV... its awesome. Especially if it was some douche I went to high school with.

4- Declare that you have spent way to much this year. We all did captain obvious.

3- Begging your mom to open just one present before Christmas. Yes, even when you are a grown woman.

2- Christmas apparel. This is when the middle aged women really start showing their true age. When you show up with a snowman, reindeer, Santa or candy canes on your knitted sweater, you might as well have 'Hey Guys I'm 44!" Crocheted onto the back like a last name and number on a Football Jersey.

1- Hug your Family. This is a good one that does not warrant a joke!

Merry Christmas from Podunk Posh!

Welcome


Hello, Internet Friends. First of all, Cats wearing holiday scarfs are just plain fun. Second of all, Welcome to our website. A place where we plan on sharing our wit, sarcasm, jokes, judgments and observations of the world around us. And by world around us I mean, Northern New York. A place were snowmobiles rule the roads and people still chew tobacco.. what's that? No ... no, we are not in a small southern town in 1963. We are here in 2008 near the Canadian border doing our best to catch up. So welcome and enjoy!